‘Grieving is like being set afire. Except when you try to put out the flames they disappear; when you try to salve your wounds you find your skin unblemished. You take a breath, thinking the worst has passed, and then grief bursts into flame anew… you have no choice but to burn.’
Tears poured from her eyes as she sobbed quietly in the corner of the coffee shop. She wished no one will look in her direction and then the barista came over to her. ‘Are you okay?’ she said. The response was so overwhelming and Cynthia had no control of the avalanche that ensued.
Six months before, she had felt nauseous, tired and achy and thought to do a pregnancy test. It was positive. She was so excited, over the moon to say the least. She informed her husband who was overjoyed. A month later, she was bleeding and did not know why. She had been to the doctor and sent to have a scan. Unfortunately, she had lost the baby. She was in shock.
The weeks that followed, was a period of her not wanting to get out of bed. Her husband did not know what to do as she was withdrawn. She was given a couple of weeks of work but that did not feel sufficient. When she was due to return to work, she was torn between staying at home and getting on with it as many told her to do. On returning to work, she settled in well and people were so kind.
Today, at the coffee shop, she did not understand why she burst into wails when asked if she was okay. She also did not care who was watching because she felt engulfed by the flames.
That is how grief works. There is no time line. Today, you might be upset and after weeks of feeling great and people think that the grief is over, you find yourself in a state of overwhelm.
There are a few things that you can do to support yourself on your journey:
You are allowed to cry. You are allowed to be upset. You are allowed to stay in bed. You just need to give yourself permission to do what supports you on the journey.
This is important because you need to let yourself know what you are willing to do at any given time. You also need to let people know what they can do to support you. It may not be easy when you think about it in so much detail but it would be a relief if you calmly communicate your needs because people do not know how to support you until you tell them.
Always remember that self-care is not selfish. You need to take care of you. As a busy person, you might find out that you do not remember to do things for yourself. So, schedule your self-care practice.
Moving through grief can be challenging but when you understand that it can be a roller coaster ride, it makes the process more manageable.
Be you! Stay connected!! Grow into abundance!!!